​Have you ever wondered what it would have sounded like if Lucy Dacus wrote the soundtrack to Freaky Friday (2003)? Me neither, but I now have an answer to that very niche hypothetical. It’s called "WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IT" by Kaytlin Numbers.

We all know that Backhand is God’s favorite band. That’s a given, but few know the origin story to how they became God’s favorite band. Gather round and let me tell you the daring tale of four young men who set out to usurp David as God’s favorite. David might’ve had a secret chord, but Backhand could fucking rock.

The first time I listened to The Upsides of Falling by Falling Faces, I was reading a book I didn’t understand.* After the four-song EP was over, I thought maybe I should try reading without music on. I think I understood even less after that. So my conclusion is that this EP will help you marginally understand whatever it is you’re reading a little better. And that, kids, is a great example on why anecdotal evidence or data can be very unreliable.

There is a playlist on Spotify called “am I in a 00’s teen movie?” that is like millennial middle school nostalgia x1000. It starts off with “Dirty Little Secret” by The All-American Rejects and contains many songs off the Mean Girls, She’s the Man, and A Cinderella Story soundtracks.

Jumpmonk is full of so many phenomenal musicians that I couldn’t possibly write a legitimate review of their Reprise EP. So I’ll write something completely ridiculous.

I listened to Play Something Uplifting by Salem Witch Doctors while doing my taxes, and I didn’t completely hate it. I believe there’s a lot to be said with that simple fact. It’s really quite the achievement. As I became increasingly frustrated, wishing that we could be like other countries with less painful, easier ways of paying taxes instead of giving into tax software lobbyists, I didn’t become frustrated at the noise entering my ears. More importantly, as I neared the end of this process and became increasingly hangry, I didn’t want to beat up the band, vowing vengeance on all of them and their families.

It’s always nice when a song is not only catchy but also teaches you a valuable lesson in physics. “Set In Motion” by Late For What teaches us such a lesson.

Named after that awful movie from 2018 of the same name, TAG! is an alt/pop band hailing from the thriving metropolis of Provo, Utah. They released a song today entitled “Dirt” featuring CMTEN.

The first time I heard this song was a clip that starts with the drum fill that leads into the chorus. And I, in my ignorance for all music, thought for a split second, is this a cover of “Everywhere You Look,” the Full House theme song?

You had me at hello? Move over, Jerry Maguire, you had me at these percussive drums. All I heard was ‘80s alternative, and my brain immediately said, “You son of a bitch, I’m in.”*