To say that my life has not turned out like I had hoped is an understatement. The better part of the last decade of my life was stolen by depression, and most of my time was spent in survival mode. But even as I am grateful that the worst of my mental health struggles are behind me, in recent months I found myself at a crossroads, wondering what was next.
To the right, I could continue the pretty comfortable life I have built for myself by doing what I thought I should do, wasting away under the fluorescent lighting of my office. Or on the left, I could take a chance on myself and finally pursue my dreams.
This and more were the thoughts bustling around my mind while walking through Vondelpark in Amsterdam on a beautiful fall day just six weeks ago. I entered a large rose garden found in the heart of the park and sat down to continue contemplating this metaphorical fork in the road.
To aid with this contemplation, I put in my headphones and threw on some demos that Goldmyth had sent me the week prior to get some feedback.*
As the chorus of her latest single, “Video,” (out now!) came on, the lyrics hit my chest like a wrecking ball, caving it in, ripping out my heart, and leaving me breathless.
But now you've got to go
Baby don't turn back
The trees at the window
When the road gets black
The face in the mirror
On a single track
You know you've got to go
Baby don't turn back
In a genre that typically focuses on vibes over depth, Goldmyth leaves everyone in the dust. Those lyrics resonated throughout my entire body until the bench beneath me was vibrating. And while sitting on that bench, I realized two things: (1) it was very likely that the current relationship I was in had run its course, a realization that numbs and breaks you all at once. No matter how much you love the person, you know it’s time to go your separate ways;** and (2) I had spent enough of my life doing the things I didn’t want to do but thought I should. And that time was also coming to an end.
And while this “review” of Goldmyth’s latest single isn’t traditional in any sense of the word, it can tell you all you need to know about the song. While it may sound like another catchy alternative/dream pop song, it is so much more. More than once while promoting this song, Goldmyth has said that it was made for late-night drives, the kind of drives meant for quiet introspection where you contemplate the things bigger than ourselves.
When Jenessa Smith, the voice and mastermind behind Goldmyth, was asked to describe the song, she said the following:
“The song is also about leaving home forever into a new life and never really looking back. That's the heart of it, but it's hard to say that in a way that won't hurt "home's" feelings.”
I’d like to suggest that “home” may be extended to other people, places, and circumstances, but sometimes you have to leave home and never look back, even though it might hurt home’s feelings in the short term. Eventually—hopefully—home will come to see that it was never about them but only about what was best for you.
*I don’t really know how much useful feedback I could truly provide
**this is simplifying it way too much.