PERSONS OF INTEREST: KAYTLIN NUMBERS, MARI ERICKSEN, AND ANNA BECK

Have Kaytlin Numbers, Mari Ericksen, and Anna Beck killed someone? Maybe—can never rule it out—but not that I am aware of. Kaytlin would be my best bet, but luckily for her, she can just frame Indigo De Souza and get off easily. I’m not sure the other two are as lucky with famous lookalikes. But even though they’ve committed no crime, their songwriting has the potential to cause some serious emotional damage. So while they will not be brought in on charges of murder (or any other crime), I would like to propose that they are still liable for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

​Like, why am I feeling any emotion at all over a song about a 64-year-old Canadian woman named Barb Dalene? I shouldn’t, but because of Kaytlin Numbers, now I do. Kaytlin has the ability to write a song about something ordinary like her college academic advisor and make you feel something. Moreover, she does more with one chord than most could dream of. If you’re interested in her Master Class, "How to Write an Entire Song Using 1 1/2 Chords," feel free to DM her.

Mari took the stage next and immediately made everyone start contemplating their existence. Her voice reminds me of a mix between Brandi Carlile and Phoebe Bridgers. If you have kids and ever need a sedative, call Mari for a quick lullaby, and they’ll be down in no time. 

It was such a strange juxtaposition to be lulled into a false sense of security by one of the most hypnotic voices, and on the other side of the wall hear the chaos of a dozen pinball machines. Despite this clash, Mari rose above the noise to effectively depress everyone in the venue (but like in a good way).

Anna Beck finished out the night, and goddammit, I was not expecting to go home and have to face my feelings. Seriously, I came to watch a concert at an arcade bar on a Friday night. I did not want to feel any emotions, let alone those emotions.

The pinnacle of the night was when all three performers appeared on stage as girlidiot to perform "Ketchum, ID" by boygenius. It was transcendent. If I had died on my way home, I would have gone happily, my life becoming fulfilled after such a performance.

In short, if you were in attendance last night at the bar Quarters in Salt Lake City, you might have a case against these three women for intentional infliction of emotional distress.