LOCAL SPOTLIGHT: RICH MOMS

I feel like Bernie Sanders writing this opening paragraph. I am once again writing to tell you about another experience I had at Velour. I was there to see Brother. They killed it as per yousg (experimenting with spelling that). And I don’t need to tell you how great they are. Who struck my fancy this time was the second band of the night, Rich Moms. It felt like deja vu from two weeks ago. Not only did they go second in the lineup, but they also carried a swagger similar to the chaotic energy of Indigo Waves just two weeks prior.

​Given their name, Rich Moms must hail from Draper or Alpine, UT.

The night started with us standing in line outside of the Velour. I commented to my friend, HP, on how it’s amazing how Provo changes so much and yet stays the exact same. If you have ever been in Provo, UT, you will know that this is the truest statement that has ever been made about the town.

While that kind of has something to do with what I'm about to say, let’s get to a quick analysis of Rich Moms:

The lead singer looks like if Dwight from the Office, mixed with Ralphie from A Christmas Story, tried to be Prison Mike. But god, did he know how command the crowd. He was wearing a Stone Cold Steve Austin cut off, and the couple in front of me didn’t know who that was, so I felt fucking old. I was already feeling old since I was one of five people who didn’t have a middle part, and I felt even older when I realized that it’d be so embarrassing if I did because it would show my increasing male pattern baldness.

Ethan, the guitarist, named after Tom Cruise’s character in Mission Impossible, Ethan Hunt, aka the Smol One, is the only one that looks even remotely rich or like a mom.

I’m pretty sure the only reason they got the gig was because one of their guitarists was wearing a Brother. shirt. Way to suck up, my dude. I have no doubts you’ll go far in life.

Sorry I haven’t mentioned the drummer or bass player up to this point. The bassist has wonderful hair, and it’s obvious that the band wouldn’t be a fraction as good as they are without the drummer being the behind-the-scenes puppeteer.

Their set was all over the place. But, in like a good way. At one point they played "The Climb" by Hannah Montana. It was electric. Nothing gets a crowd going like nostalgia. In this case, most of the crowd was taken back to elementary school, maybe middle school. I... was not. Let's just say that. 

Then, in some kind of miraculous way, the lead singer poorly explained the chorus of one of their songs and yet, as we got into the song, the entire crowd got it. Sung the chorus perfectly. This leads me to believe one of two things: 1) the crowd was die-hard Rich Moms fans and already knew the song; or 2) that the lead singer would be a phenomenal cult leader. Just something to think about, dude. Not encouraging it. Just something to think about.

They also covered "driver’s license," and I realized that for half the crowd this song was a helluva lot more relevant and recent, which after the Stone Cold Steve Austin comment, made me feel even more ancient. However, regardless of who is performing this song, or how old it makes me feel, it’s like Gabe from the Office but his character in Silicon Valley, it fucks. Turns me into a woo girl every time.

I just want to take a moment and say that their EP drops on September 10. I got the exclusive. You heard it here first, folks (unless you were in the crowd on Friday night).

Conclusion: just like Provo, the more they changed (from song to song) the more they stayed the same.

​My only complaints about Rich Moms are 1) that none of them were actual rich moms (for all of those wondering, work sucks, and I am looking for a sugar momma) and 2) that one their covers wasn’t “Livin’ la Vida Loca” by Ricky Martin. Take notes, fellas. I’ll be expecting it next time. I’m 100% serious. Do it. Or else.