CARDINAL BLOOM(IN' ONION)

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed readers of M.O.M., I present to you the winners of the Winter 2021 Velour Battle of the Bands: Cardinal Bloom!

Fun fact: the band is named after a cardinal “blooming,” as it attempts to attract a mate by puffing out its chest. Fitting because that’s all this band is: an extravagant attempt to attract a mate. (Note: not a single idea in these two sentences is true.)

​As the members of the band took to the stage last Saturday night, they looked like a bunch of guys that would tell you about their favorite IPA and how they got really into microbrewing during COVID, disclosing all of this information without you ever asking. Even though I had listened to their music before, I expected them to start playing some jam-band-type music since they all appeared to be disciples of Dave Matthews. But there was a catch: what reached my ears were fast bouncy tunes that remind me of a time when rock ruled the airwaves (you know, before I was born). But there was another catch: These tunes with the soul of rock were mixed with the reverb and airiness of today’s indie rock. At times it was as if a southern rock band was occasionally possessed by the ghost of Two Door Cinema Club. (I know they’re not dead, but they might as well be. When was the last time they were relevant? Like around the same time as Foster The People. Case closed.) And then a guy took his shirt off on stage and I was like, oh yeah, still major jam band vibes.

During their entire performance all I kept thinking was that the chorus to “When You Were Young” by the Killers definitely doesn’t apply to the lead singer because he does look a thing like Jesus. You know, the white, Mormon Jesus that we all know and love here in Happy Valley.

Bottom line though was that they rocked, and they deserved to win. Can’t wait to confuse a bunch of guys at my local climbing gym for them next Tuesday.