Review: EAZY PEAZY LEMON SLEAZY

In case you didn’t know, something special happened yesterday. Mick Jagger released new music. To add to it all, he collaborated with Dave Grohl for this new song. It’s gotta at least be somewhat decent, right? I wish that were the case.

We've all had a tough year, Mick. Why'd you have to go and make it that much worse?

I try to stay positive on this blog. I had a little rant about it on my last post. Who am I to judge someone else's art? But I just can’t stay silent on this. Mick Jagger’s new song (feat. Dave Grohl), “EAZY SLEAZY,” is goddamn awful. It is so bad that it makes me almost think that it is meant to be parody. How can this be an actual song? HOW? Help… Somebody… Anybody (Lion King amirite?)

Okay, gonna take it back briefly. I respect the hell out of these two men. The Rolling Stones did so much for music. Completely changed rock and roll. So much so that there’s even the debate on the Stones vs. the Beatles. I’m not going to get into because frankly I lack the knowledge on either side to even begin that argument. Regardless, it is objectively true that the Rolling Stones changed rock and roll forever.

​Second, I respect the hell out of Dave Grohl. I mean, the dude was the drummer for Nirvana and then went on to create another incredibly successful rock band in the Foo Fighters. What young teenager in their formative music years doesn’t go through a Nirvana phase or Foo Fighters phase? And then to find out that the drummer in the former was the frontman in the latter? That’ll blow any young music lover’s mind. Hands down, Foo Fighters is one of the bands that I respect the most considering how little I listen to them.

So, how the hell did these two dudes create something that is so painful to listen to? Literally, my ears ached after listening. I was actually surprised when I took out my headphones and didn’t find blood on them.

The lyrics are just so cringeworthy. Here are a few of my favorites: Actually, upon further review, I couldn’t pick out any favorites, so I decided to include them all with some highlighted portions:

We took it on the chin
The numbers were so grim
Bossed around by pricks
Stiffen upper lips
Pacing in the yard
You're trying to take the mick
You must think I'm really thick

Looking at the graphs with a magnifying glass
Cancel all the tours, football's fake applause
No more travel brochures
Virtual premieres, I've got nothing left to wear

(Travel brochures don’t exist anymore, right? Like, they died with travel agents didn’t they? Now we just have influencers who travel the world and rip you off with fake giveaways.)

Looking out from these prison walls
You got to rob Peter if you're paying Paul
But it's easy easy
Everything's gonna get really freaky
Alright on the night
Soon it'll be be a memory you're trying to remember to forget

(What, by god, do you mean by everything is gonna get really freaky? For everyone's safety, I need to know.)

That's a pretty mask
But never take a chance TikTok stupid dance
Took a samba class yeah I landed on my ass
Trying to write a tune you better hook me up to Zoom
See my poncey books teach myself to cook
Way too much TV, its lobotomizing me, yeah
Think I've put on weight
I'll have another drink then I'll clean the kitchen sink

(This whole verse is a master class on how to not write a hit. The rhyming, the genericness, literally everything.)

We escaped from the prison walls
Open the windows and open the doors
But it's easy easy
Everything's gonna get really freaky
Alright on the night
It's gonna be a garden of earthly delights
Yeah it's easy sleazy
Everything's smooth and greasy
Yeah easy, believe me
It'll only be a memory you're trying to remember to forget

(What? What is smooth and greasy, let alone you’re implying that EVERYTHING is? What has lockdown been like for you, Mick? Are you trying to say you’re being held against your will by someone or something other than the normal lockdown conditions?)

Shooting the vaccine
Bill Gates is in my bloodstream
It's mind control
The earth is flat and cold
It's never warming up
The Arctic's turned to slush
The second coming's late
And there's aliens in the deep state

(Okay, while the other verse is a master class on how not to write a hit, this is just a banger. Mmmm, hell yeah.)

Now we're out of these prison walls
You gotta pay Peter if you're robbing Paul
But it's easy easy
Everything's gonna be really freaky
Alright on the night
We're all headed back to paradise
Yeah easy. believe me
It'll be a memory you're trying to remember to forget
​Easy cheesy
Everybody sing please please me
​Yeah
It'll be a memory you're trying to remember to forget

Okay, say one nice thing about this song:

Dave Grohl, you wrote the music, and it sounds like a typical, average Foo Fighters’ song. So it’s not the worst, like everything else.

I know, this is everyone’s reaction to this. This isn’t new or groundbreaking. Maybe you had no idea. But I just couldn’t let it go. Please watch the video below. I’m BEGGING you.