A SHORT GUIDE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR FRIENDS FOLLOWING THE RELEASE OF ‘THE RECORD'

boygenius has released the record, and it's time that we check in on our friends to make sure they're doing okay. This short guide will help you take care of those friends who have gone radio silent since the album's release. 

1. Go to their home because they aren’t anywhere else. Your friends will retreat to their safe space to listen to this album. This is likely their room. It is possible that they are still in their car after putting the album on during their ride home from work. If you do find them still in their car, help them inside. Depending on how responsive they are, you might have to utilize a fireman’s carry. Remember: don’t lift with your back.

2. Get them in bed. Again, depending on their responsiveness, you might need to carry them. This should be a soothing experience as it will remind them of being carried to the bed like when they were a kid, possibly the last happy memory they have.

3. Find their weighted blanket and put it on top of them. They have depression or anxiety or both, so they definitely have one.

4. Plug in their phone. It needs to be charged to be able to listen on repeat.

5. Hook them up to an IV. It could take up to a couple weeks for them to snap out of this comatose state. At the very least, you need to put their favorite snacks within reach, most likely on their nightstand.

6. Find them a night light. This is a precautionary measure for when they finally emerge from their hibernation. You’ll want them to be able to sleep, but you also want them to be able to navigate the room safely if they wake from their coma at night.

Following these six simple steps, you may get bonus points if you tuck them in and give them a nice little forehead kiss. This really just depends on your friendship with them. They are in their most vulnerable state, so please be careful and considerate. In addition, please feed their pets or water their plants, if applicable. Finally, DO NOT light a candle. You don’t want to leave it unattended. This isn’t a guide on how to accidentally (or not so accidentally) kill your friend.