TOP TEN CHRISTMAS SONGS

Christmas in general is contentious subject. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Why is Uncle Bob plastered on so much eggnog? How early is too early to start listening to Christmas music? We all know that one freak who listens nearly year round. Christine, if you're reading this, September is too early. July is definitely too early. You'll probably despise this list, but here are my Top Ten (and Bottom Five) Christmas Songs:

​1. All I Want for Christmas Is You. This isn’t an original take, but hands down, this is the best Christmas song out there. Mariah Carey is the Queen of Christmas. All of the memes about her returning to the ocean only to return next Christmas are spot on. Christmas would not be the same without her, and we all owe her a debt of gratitude.
2. It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas. What can I say? I’m a sucker for the classics. Whether it’s Michael Bublé’s silky smooth voice, you’re a fan of the older artists, you just can go wrong with this song.
3. White Christmas. The version by The Drifters with the backing vocals is a classic (which if you look up the lyrics, they spell it out as “Ooh doop doop, doop doo doop,” which seems so wrong it’s almost criminal) and will never be replaced, but if you want a great version by some personal friends of mine, check out the video below.

4. Last Christmas. The best Christmas songs are sad ones, and man was George Michael sad when he wrote this one. It’s a sadness masked in 80s synth pop. What more do you want?
5. Santa Tell Me. I will not apologize for my take on this one. THIS. SONG. SLAPS. It is hands down the best original Christmas song since All I Want for Christmas Is You. Yeah, that’s right J. Biebs, you can take Mistletoe and get the hell out of here.
6. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home). I want to see how this song was recorded because it sounds like she is belting this song as if she didn’t sing it as loud as she could, the person she wanted to come home wouldn’t be able to.
7. Feliz Navidad. The song is a certified banger. There is absolutely no question. Plus, the number of people who mess up the lyrics and say something other than “Próspero año y felicidad” is just too great.
8. Christmas Lights. I was born in the 90s. I’m a product of pop punk and emo alternative rock. I love sad songs (just check out my Top Ten Sad Songs if you need a reminder), and this song is one of the saddest. If you’re feeling the least bit sad this Christmas season – and I know there are more than just a few of us this year possibly not spending time with family and friends due to Covid – throw this song on and live out your sad Christmas.
9. The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas To You). While it is a classic, I recognize that this song is not that great, but it holds a special place in my heart. Growing up, the number of times my brother switched the words and sang something else will always be a fond memory. My personal favorite, and one that he still sings to this day at 35 years old, is “Seth’s nuts roasting on an open fire…”
10. O Holy Night. It’s number ten because it can be one of the best songs and one of the worst songs, depending on who is performing it.

Bottom Five Christmas Songs:
Wonderful Christmastime. everyone at some point has gotten this song stuck in their head and that is the closest thing to hell on earth. The equivalent to having to spend a 10 hour car drive with Ted Cruz where the stereo is broken and you have to pee three hours in but he refuses to stop. No one deserves that fate.
Santa Baby. I’m sorry, but everything about this song sucks. I think it has to deal with the apparent daddy issues prevalent throughout the entire song, from the whiney voice to the unclever innuendos.
Little Drummer Boy. Pa rum bum-bum-boring. I know, I know. It’s pa rum pum-pum-pum, but I needed to make it work. The one and only version of this song that I will listen to is the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version. That is a great song.
Do You Hear What I Hear? It just rubs me the wrong way.
Jingle Bells. It’s a classic, yes. Probably the most well-known Christmas song out there, I get it. But it’s just not a good song.